Musings of an Italian-American Catholic wife, mother, and writer

Musings of an Italian-American Catholic wife, mother, and writer

Friday, September 23, 2016

Hello Weekend

Benjamin Moore first stop of the day
Paint to channel my inner Monet.
Interviewed a priest from the mid-west 
Post office, Publix, carpool … I’m stressed! 
Then homemade chicken nuggets to dine
Later, this poem. Do I have the time?!
But the setting sun’s just ‘round the bend 
Two days to unwind … hello weekend. 
*from the files of very bad poetry by bia

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

A Revolution of One

Once upon a time someone accused me of being prejudiced.

I had recently graduated from college and was teaching Spanish and English Literature at an inner city public high school. It was not an easy year, but I learned a lot working with students from every race and ethnic background. Paradoxically, most of what I learned came from the problem students, and I had two of them in my Study Hall.

For thirty minutes every afternoon those two arrived in my classroom with no intention of studying. One student was black, the other was white, and both had reputations which meant that both spent a good portion of their high school career either suspended or in detention. Together, they were Trouble.

One day I walked into the room after the bell rang and announced, “All right people. Let’s settle down and open your books.”

All of a sudden, the black student stood up so quickly that his chair scooted back and hit the wall with a crash.

“What do you mean by people?” he demanded. “Are you talking to the black people in here?”

Outwardly I remained calm; inwardly I was stunned. The class, which up until that moment had been filled with the noise of 17 students settling in their desks, was now deathly silent. Nothing had prepared me for this, but as I looked at that student standing defiantly in the aisle, as I heard the white student snicker, I instinctively knew that I would not, could not allow him to pull me down that rabbit hole. So I calmly told him to either sit down or go talk to the principal.

He chose to go talk to the principal. And on the way to the office he ranted to everyone he met how I had singled him out because he was black.

Now, no one took him seriously. Not the principal and not the students in that Study Hall. Still, as unfounded as his accusations were, the words had been hurled into the air to scatter like confetti and that bothered me.

It bothered me that he labeled me in such a despicable manner and that nothing I could ever do or say was going to convince him otherwise. He had taken the very essence of who I was – the ideals and beliefs upon which I stood and taught – and reduced everything to the color of my skin. And the color of his. How could I defend myself from what he chose to believe about me?

The fact is I couldn’t. He believed what he believed. The only thing I could do was continue to teach my students with love and example. I would not let him change who I was and, most importantly, not allow him to change how I saw others. 

A few months later I had an opportunity to address this issue when I overheard some of my students in the hallway laughing at another teacher's quirky character trait. When class began I drew a blob-like design in the middle of a large piece of paper and went around the room asking everyone what they saw. Some students saw a circle, some a black hole, while others said it was a planet or a man’s profile. I asked every student in that room and not one single person – not one! – said they saw the piece of paper.

When I pointed this out to them they became quiet. They had been laughing at the very same teacher who stayed after school to help them with their homework and who checked on them when they were absent. Some of the students looked embarrassed, but just as I had refused to let the actions of one student define all others, I wanted my little lesson to be a reminder not to reduce the whole of a person to one, limiting label.

The school year ended and I never saw that black student again. I don’t know what happened to him, but I often think of him. I wish I could invite him over for dinner, or introduce him to my sons and watch them play basketball together in the driveway. I wish he could meet Sister Gaudiosa who has stayed with us over summers and Christmas vacations – a nun from Tanzania who is a sister to me in every way but blood.

These past few months, as my husband and I watched the horrific events unfold in Dallas and Milwaukee, as images of angry protestors marched across our television screen, as two presidential nominees continue to accuse one another of being racist, I often think back to my first year of teaching.  If there was one thing I learned that year it was this: people are people and ultimately – in all the ways that matter – we are more alike than we are different. It sounds so simple, but if we can embrace that one fundamental truth and see Christ’s presence in others, then it’s impossible to go to a place where you can’t see past someone’s race, ethnicity, or religion.

Change is not easy. We can fight racism in the courts, condemn it from the pulpits or broadcast its effects in the news, but ultimately it’s up to each and every individual to decide on whether to include or to exclude, to respect or to resist, to accept or to condemn. It may seem terribly elusive, but to see a change we have to be the change.

Think of it as a Revolution of One in which we all play a part.


Wednesday, September 7, 2016

The Worst Week EVER

"This has been the worst week ever," announced Timothy when I picked him up from school this afternoon.

"Worst week ever, EVER?" I asked.

"Ever." he said.

"Of your entire life?"

He nodded.

Oh boy. He's only 12 and it's only Wednesday.

So on the way home he told me about this and about that. There wasn't one specific thing, just a bunch of little things that, when added together, did indeed make it seem like the worst week EVER.

And in listening to him, I realized I had forgotten how rough these middle school years can be. It's a messy, confusing time. A time in which sometimes kids need to figure things out by themselves.

Joe and I have always said that one of the hardest things about parenting is finding the wisdom (and courage) to step back and allow our sons to work things out on their own. Our son had a bad day, I knew that, but I also knew there was nothing I could do to fix the problem. Offer words of encouragement? Yes, of course. Try to make him laugh? Sure. Pray? Yes, often and sometimes desperately.

But fix the problem? No, not all the time.

So I listened to him, gave him some advice, told a corny joke, and assured him that things always look better the next day.

Then we stopped at McDonald's because, you know, sometimes French fries help, too.


Thursday, September 1, 2016

A Pep Talk in the Mirror

Here's what I like to do: after a gym workout I walk in the locker room and look in the mirror --  not because I look good (believe me, I'm a hot mess) but because I like to take in my sweaty red face, my sweaty hair and my sweaty workout clothes, and know that I worked hard.

This morning, after an hour and a half, I was beyond frightening.

And that's a good thing.


Tuesday, August 30, 2016

The Story of an Afternoon

With my Math Man out of town, guess who has to help with math homework?

Yeah, you guessed right.


After an hour being surrounded by variables, distributive properties, associative properties, and algebraic expressions, Timothy and I were like this ...


So I decided to cook fish for dinner. Brain food. We needed it. And after eating we were like this ...



Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Truth or Dare: in which we (mostly) tell the truth and (mostly) perform all dares

When Timothy came home from school last Friday, he went looking for a snack and emerged from the pantry holding a fistful of green straws. GREEN STRAWS! He was so excited. Then he gathered paper, markers, and an entire roll of scotch tape and made giant dice.

Of course, now we had to come up with a game just so we could use the dice. So that night while we were watching the Olympics we rolled the dice to play Truth or Dare – an even number meant a dare, and an odd number meant a truth.  

We played during commercials, and because there were LOTS and LOTS of commercials, there were plenty of opportunities to play our own version of Truth or Dare in which we (mostly) told the truth and (mostly) performed all dares.  

The Truths

Me to Joe: What is the most annoying thing about me?
Joe: Your procrastination.
Huh. I KNEW he was going to say that.

But later he redeemed himself:

Me to Joe: Do you find me as attractive now as the day we first met?
Joe: Even more so!


Me to Timothy: Which girl do you like best in the seventh grade?
Timothy:  ------
He got all red, and he was all smiles, but absolutely, unequivocally, steadfastly refused to answer.
Darn. I was hoping to get the scoop.


Timothy to me: Who is your favorite son?
Me to Timothy: Because you’re right here, right now, right in this very second … you.


The Dares

While the dares I issued were all about stuffing 10 potato chips in your mouth or waltzing with me for one minute (I got my guys to dance!) Timothy and Joe were all about timed sprints up and down stairs, the number of pushups in under one minute, or races around the house.

I’m telling you, with commercials popping up every 8 ½ minutes we got a workout.

But here was the BEST dare of the night.

Timothy to Joe: I dare you to read the first page of this book out loud.

Then he reached blindly into our bookshelf and handed Joe a book. But not just any book. He handed Joe THE SONNETS, poems of love by William Shakespeare. So Joe began reading …

Joe to me: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day …

And during all 14 lines he was laughing, Timothy was groaning, and I was like …


Friday, August 19, 2016

The Blue Pillow

Men are basically uncomplicated creatures, but I still can’t figure them out. Honestly, I don’t have a clue.

Take their powers of observation, for example. My guys don’t notice when I rearrange furniture, place a new quilt on their bed, or fix an elaborate meal. When I ask if they like my haircut they are puzzled: “You got a haircut?”

Really, not the most observant creatures.

But then something like The Blue Pillow happens which just confirms their alien-ness.

So yesterday, up to my elbows in a deep house cleaning, I decided to place this blue pillow on our reading chair in the family room. I thought a little pop of color would be nice.

And one by one, that blue pillow stopped my guys in their tracks.

 “What’s up with the blue pillow?”

“Where did you get that blue pillow?”

“Why is there a blue pillow on the chair?”

Well. It’s as if the tectonic plates in the earth’s crust shifted, or the stars aligned in some fantastical way, or the events in Area 51 really happened because that blue pillow crash landed in their consciousness.

Folks. I literally walked that blue pillow 20 feet from the rec room to our family room. That blue pillow has been around since the older boys were in grade school. That blue pillow has been used for pillow fights and indoor forts.

And they act as if they've never seen that blue pillow before.

Like I said, mind-boggling.