An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

Friday, November 9, 2012

Life Lately: I sincerely apologize for the following quick takes

Yesterday my sister sent me a photo (see #5 below), and the fact that she and I found it funny just shows how being the mom of boys opens up a whole new world. So, I sincerely apologize for the following ...

1. Poopy Words
Not too long ago I picked Timothy up from school and he told me that during activity time he had to put his flower in the weed bucket (a disciplinary chart: good behavior = flower in the basket; bad behavior = flower in the weed bucket).

Evidently he and two friends were saying "poopy words".

Upon further questioning it seems that at the time they had been making gingerbread...with each child given a chunk of brown, lumpy dough.

And I'm thinking: if you give a boy something brown and lumpy, it's just a matter of time before the poopy words begin.

2. Bathroom humor in the kitchen
I am cooking when I hear Timothy giggling.

I look up, and notice he is staring at these cute salt and pepper shakers I purchased in Sorrento, Italy two summers ago.
I know he's up to something, but darn if I can figure out what it is.

Then, one at a time, Timothy drags his brothers into the kitchen, points at the shakers and whispers something that has them laughing.

Now I know he's up to something.

And he is. It seems he is looking at the pepper shaker and, instead of pronouncing it pepe with two short e sounds, he was pronouncing it with two long e sounds.

Which he thought was terribly funny . . . as did his brothers.
3.  And speaking of the bathroom ... it once inspired a poem
(from the files of very bad poetry by Bia)
So here’s the thing, my three sweet boys
I was in your bathroom today.
But when I entered I lost my poise
and stood there in utter dismay.

I shouted out so all could hear,
Why, oh why can’t you boys aim?
Who is at fault? It’s really quite clear
There’s no one but you three to blame.

Now aiming is something I know you can do…
It’s done in sports, I assume.
So make your aim so straight and so true
Like an athlete…in the bathroom!

Indoor plumbing is a privilege, you know
Its comforts you must respect.
And when nature calls and you have to go
Into the bowl your piddle you’ll direct.

Or else.

Love, Mom
4. Better not to know
Running carpool one afternoon, the van full of boys started discussing the following three categories: machine gun ... atomic ... sbd (silent but deadly)


If you don't know what they're talking about . . . keep it that way. Sometimes ignorance definitely is bliss!
5. Since we're already in the toilet ...
6. Oh, let's talk about picking our noses, shall we? 

It's early Saturday morning and Timothy climbs into bed with us.

"Guess what?"


"Last night I had a giant booger in my nose," he informs us.

"And then what?" I inquire.

"It was on my finger."

"What did you do with it?" I ask, hoping that a tissue figures somewhere into this story.

"Then it got stuck on my thumb," he announces proudly.

Oh boy.

"But I don't see it anymore," he says. "I don't know where it went."

And I am thinking that this morning ... I am changing all the sheets.
7. And thank goodness for lemon-scented wet ones!
Jonathan (then in middle school) and a few friends decide to get a group together to go and see an afternoon movie. After a flurry of phone calls, and once the dust settles, the group consists of three guys and three girls.

Even numbers ... very clever.

To kill time before leaving, Jonathan and his two buddies play some serious basketball in our driveway. They play hard for almost an hour, and then pile into the car smelling like ... well, like boys who have been playing basketball in 95 degree weather in the middle of the afternoon. Not serious body odor, but ...

Okay. They smell like dogs.

On the other hand, I am sure that the girls (and correct me if I am wrong) have spent at least two hours calling each other, planning outfits, taking showers, and styling their hair.

The only hair styling going on with the guys is them sticking their faces right next to the air conditioning vents to cool off.

Hey guys, I say as I drive. You know, before you meet girls at the movies maybe it's not such a good idea to get quite so sweaty.

They are thinking about this, I can tell. One even sniffs his armpit.

Without saying anything, I pull out a packet of Lemon Scented Wet Ones and they begin seriously wiping faces, arms, legs, and even their hair. They don't have a comb (I was NOT going to give them mine), so they use their fingers to, basically, not improve matters whatsoever.

A few minutes later I watch them walk into the theater: one has a giant hole in his sneaker partially covered with duct tape, the other is wearing shorts with a shirt that doesn't match, and the last one's hair is sticking straight up on one side.

They are joking, laughing, more than a little goofy, and very loveable.

Amazingly, they smell like lemons.

Now, go visit Jen over at Conversion Diary. She's doesn't like to fly, so say a prayer for her.


Momma in Progress said...

Ciao! Love the salt and pepper shakers. (And isn't Sorrento awesome?) Great post. #6, especially, sounds like our house. Stopping by from Jen's blog. Have a great weekend!

GrandmaK said...

Hilarious post!!!!! Oh my!!!! Have a wonderful weekend!!! Cathy

Anonymous said...

My mom told me about your post, as I also have 3 (little) boys. I loved number 7, something to have in the car/van in several years :)

tiziana said...

Mi sono fatta delle belle risate, pensa quanti bei ricordi lasci scritti ai tuoi ragazzi.
Grazie Maria (brava mamma e brava poetessa).

Colleen Duggan | Writer said...

Bia, I love the title of your blog. So cute. Why do boys love potty words so much? My little ones do too and I don't get it. Also, I love the lemon scented wipes story. Classic. I hope you like Brideshead Revisited! It was terrifically Catholic. Have a terrific day.

Kathleen Basi said...

Oh, my! Maria, this seems to be my week for learning what my future is doomed to be....! :)