An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Mom Rules

Do you ever find yourself making a rule for something which you assumed was understood, but somehow it wasn't, and so there you are saying something which sounds utterly ridiculous? A rule such as Don't blow your nose on your sheets no matter how desperately you need a tissue in the middle of the night. Or, Don't look around when you're urinating because you'll aim in the direction you're looking and Don't draw a turtle on the science room wall at school and then sign your name.

Let's see ... I have more:

You can't place a Playmobil Pirate on top of a light bulb because the pirate will melt (and it did).

The ironing board is not a slide (this, after my board was reconfigured into the letter U).

It is inappropriate to whisper Paul Blart, Mall Cop in the middle of Mass (don't ask).

No throwing a ball in the house (this one started off vague, but over time it included soccer balls, footballs, bouncy balls, basketballs, and even balled up socks).

Oh, and never,ever run and jump over the back of the couch to claim a spot ... someone might be napping unseen (Dad was).

A few years ago I was cleaning the boys' bathroom when I realized they didn't have any soap in the shower. My heart stopped beating because I was trying to think when was the last time I cleaned their shower so I could figure out how long they had been without soap. A day? A week? When I questioned my son he said he didn't think it mattered because if you stand under the shower the water washes everything off anyway. I mean, really. So then I found myself making the following rule:  When you take a shower, you have to use soap. Then, after a slight hesitation I added, And Shampoo! because, well, you never know.

The deodorant incident. Now THAT has become the stuff of legends in our family. Several years ago our other son (again, no names) was getting ready for a formal party and came downstairs looking handsome in khaki pants and a navy blazer ... a blazer with streaks of a mysterious white residue under each arm. Evidently, he thought that the very same deodorant which smelled great on his armpits would smell doubly great on the armpits of his jacket. Who has to make a rule that deodorant is only for armpits and not clothes? Me, that's who. Luckily we had a spare jacket because, let me tell you, that deodorant wasn't coming off.

What is it with boys? Sometimes I think: Have I forgotten anything? Left out any details? What else have I assumed was common sense in my world but, somehow, overlooked in their world?

Maybe I need to start thinking like them.

Okay. Uhm ... new rule for me: Don't even go there.

The day my Three Wise Men became Two Wise Men.


The Girl Next Door said...

HAHAHA I LOVE THIS! Yes, we have the "use soap...and shampoo in the shower rule," too! I think one of the surprises of parenthood was the things I had to make rules for! Although the best rule, which stopped a lot of other rules, is "the stupid will be punished" or "self inflicted pain gets no sympathy" IE if you run along the TOP of the swingset and fall off? don't come crying to me. Yeah, it saved a lot of other "rules."

Do Not Be Anxious said...

Based on a newspaper article I read this past week, I think all parents need one regarding hand soaps: No matter how good they smell, don't eat them! (heavy alcohol content; a five year-old nearly died of alcohol poisoning from just a couple squirts).

tiziana said...

Mi dispiace per te ma io ho riso veramente tanto!!!
E' per questo che i ragazzi sono spesso più simpatici delle ragazze.

Ua said...

"We three kings of orient are...smoking on a rubber was loaded, in exploded... POOF! We two kings of orient are..." I can't help it. Every time we sing that song in church, those lyrics run through my head and I have to struggle not to laugh. Which is no easy feat when you are leading the music with the guitar!