An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Motherhood is Not Always a Hallmark Moment

Motherhood is sometimes a crappy job.
There. I’ve said it.
Sometimes you reach a point in which you have no choice but to acknowledge this because no amount of avoiding, ignoring, or denying this fact can sugarcoat the reality that motherhood is sometimes a crappy job.

I look at mothers with infants and toddlers and think: that part of motherhood is easy. Sleepless nights, nursing around the clock, arranging play dates, deciding on a preschool, watching Dora or Diego again and again, dealing with the terrible two’s … that’s the easy part. That’s not hard. It’s tiring, but it’s not hard.
I look at mothers with young children and I want to warn them: beware, it’s not always going to be this good. I want to tell them that no matter how loving, caring, and attentive a mother you are, there will come a day when you will question whether you did enough; that no matter how hard you worked to do the right thing, you can’t help thinking that everything you did was wrong.

You’re probably wondering what happened that I’m not my usual dolce vita self, but it’s not one thing. It’s a little of everything – non communication, surliness, ungratefulness. Really, take your pick. And how do you fix these things? Tell a teen to talk, and they grow more sullen. Tell a teen to be polite, and they roll their eyes. Tell a teen to be grateful, and he mutters something that you think is a thank you.
I need an instruction manual. Where’s my instruction manual?

So I try this, I try that. I dance around trying to make everyone happy, but sometimes the dancing just makes me tired. I maintain an open line of communication, but sometimes I am just talking to myself. I pray, but sometimes the words won’t come.
And during these times it helps a little just to be able to admit that motherhood is sometimes a crappy job.


Suburban Correspondent said...

Sing it, sister. When the teen boys enter that "tunnel" (as we call it), it's a long, trying time until they emerge again.

tiziana said...

E' tutto vero quello che scrivi, però ti assicuro che dentro di loro c'è un tesoro nascosto che ad un certo momento scopriranno e sarà loro utile. Questo tesoro è tutto quello che tu gli hai insegnato e donato e sarà un tesoro veramente grande!!

Do Not Be Anxious said...

You should talk. Haven't you been reading some of my posts about my caring for my 95-year old mother?? Yes, being a son is a crappy job. There! I've said it too.

But life is sometimes crappy, any part of it is, at some time or other. But being a good son, or living even the crappy times, I accept all of it, and wouldn't want to change a thing.

I can wait for heaven; I don't need it here on earth (are you a liberal, Maria?)