An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

Friday, January 22, 2016

Just Give Them Wool Socks! (a girl's take on The Revenant)

This afternoon Joe and I went to see The Revenant. What did I think of it? you ask. Allow me ...


We went to the new movie theater -- the one with reclining seats -- which was ideal for a movie which lasted almost three hours. BUT, I couldn't help thinking that if my Dad ever went to that theater, he would be asleep within five minutes of reclining his chair.


The movie takes place during the wintertime of 1823, and all throughout the movie I was unsettled for this reason: everyone got wet and stayed wet the entire winter. Frontiersmen waded through rivers, jumped into waterfalls, floated downriver, and  got lost in snowstorms. After getting wet they built a fire, but with all those layers (fur and animal hide) I just know they never had a time to dry off properly and therefore had wet feet all winter. This really, really bothered me. THEY NEEDED WOOL SOCKS (and to hang up their wet clothes overnight).


That grizzly bear scene ... I can't even.


There were a lot of themes going on, with Man vs. Nature being one of the main ones. But wait. Let me amend that ... wounded-forced-to-crawl-on-his-elbows-because-of-a-broken-leg Man vs. Nature. If you ask me, nature had an unfair advantage.


To survive in the wilderness during the winter, here's is what you need: a giant bear hide, a canteen, and gunpowder for the purpose of administering First Aid. A rifle would be nice, but it isn't strictly necessary.


Joe and I agreed that the movie reminded us of Castaway ... there were long periods where no one spoke. When you're trying to survive, the spoken word is irrelevant.


Frontiersman #1 to Frontiersman #2: You go that way, and I'll go this way. We'll meet back here in thirty minutes.
Me, thinking: Meet back where???? How do you know where you are to find your way back to the exact same spot in the forest? In the wintertime? With no sun to guide you? And why are you guys separating? Bad things happen when you separate.


I appreciate when directors take the time to tell a story, and this one unfolded beautifully. Despite the violence (man vs. nature, man vs. man) and the edge-of-your-seat intensity (man, I'm telling you, that grizzly bear scene just about did me in) it was a very good movie.


And now I am in serious need of a chick flick. A little less raw meat and a little more tea in the drawing room, if you please. Maybe Jane Eyre, or Pride & Prejudice.


But first let me go put on some wool socks and get Joe (my personal frontiersman) to build a fire in the fireplace.

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