An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

Sunday, June 25, 2017

The Twilight Zone (Mall episode)

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity ... and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge ... it is an area which we call the Twilight Zone the Mall.

So. I'm living in the Twilight Zone.

Since the beginning of summer each of the Novajosky boys has wanted to go the mall ... up to and including my husband who, just this past Friday, announced that it was too hot to do anything outdoors and suggested we go to the mall.

Now, I go to the mall maybe three times a year, and here I've been three times since the end of May. All because of my guys. Go figure.

But on Friday I should have known something was up when Joe pulled up to a Sears entrance -- not the main one, but a side entrance -- and parked the car as close as he could to the doors. Any closer and they would have called security.

We entered directly into the lawn mower section where my husband found a salesperson who told him everything about our lawn mower bag which needs replacing: Yes, we sell this type of bag; no, we don't carry it in the store; yes, you can order it online.

"Okay." Joe announced, turning to us.

"Okay, what?" I asked, although I was pretty sure I knew the answer to my own question.

"All done. That's all I needed." he replied glancing at the exit.

As my head was spinning to come up with a clever comeback, Timothy intervened.

"I want to go to GameStop."

That's my boy. Normally I try to discourage anything related to video games, but GameStop is precisely 45 feet from the entrance of Sears so we would actually have to go into the mall.

After GameStop someone suggested Barnes & Noble and all of a sudden we were MORE in! Like, we had to walk all the way down the upper level to the other end of the mall! Along the way I helpfully pointed out some of my favorite stores and offered some helpful advice:

Pandora is a great place for jewelry; and you know me, I like chunky bracelets.
Sephora is great for makeup; a gift certificate is the way to go.
Teavana has the cutest little teapots. You can also sample the teas.

In Barnes & Noble we headed for the magazine section where Joe saw this ...

and I saw this.

Then I found myself near the travel maps and, because everything was just a tad surreal, Timothy and I goofed around until Joe peeked around the aisle and asked what we were doing. Not behaving, was what we were doing, but it was fun.

(What wasn't fun was re-folding that nice map of Rome. Maps can be pesky like that.)

We then walked the length of the mall back to Sears and our getaway car. On the way we stayed on the upper lever, but since we were on the other side we had to walk past Victoria's Secret and all those pink, frilly, lacy things. I told Timothy to close his eyes.

Now, I know you're probably wondering, "What about the lower level?"

Well, there just wasn't enough time in this Twilight Zone episode. Thirty minutes, max. We'll do the lower level in the next episode . . .

No comments: