Once upon a time I interviewed a woman named Maria--an interview I had to conduct over two days because it was so emotional for both of us. She cried telling her story, I cried listening to it, and for two days there we were, two strangers, crying over the telephone. I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of telling her story, and it's one that has stayed with me all these years ...
Maria’s Story
Not
everyone personally knew Patrick Foster, but his story is one that is familiar
to members of his parish. Some might remember it as a story of suffering and
loss, but it was also one about love, heroism and, ultimately, peace. It’s a
story so rooted in faith that it didn’t end with his death but continues today,
five years later, with his wife, Maria. And
it’s one she feels compelled to share, for out of her pain over Patrick’s death,
she experienced God’s healing grace through surrender, forgiveness, and mercy.
When
Patrick and Maria first started dating, one of the first questions they asked
each other was, “Are you Catholic?” Both came from strong Catholic backgrounds,
and establishing the importance of faith early in their relationship set a
foundation upon which they built their marriage. Maria says they put God in the center of their
life, their marriage, and their home. When God blessed them with children –
first Hillary and then Patrick – they recognized the responsibility they had as
parents and turned to God for wisdom on how to be an example. And as a husband
and father, Maria says Patrick was someone who trusted God with all his heart
and who loved his family tremendously.
“As
a husband, he made me feel like a princess,” Maria says. “He was the kind of
person who would tell me that he would die to protect me. He would leave me
notes telling me I was beautiful and smart. Later, those notes helped me in my
grief. He was also a loving and supportive father. Every time he came home he
would immediately hug the kids. He was always checking on them to see if things
were going well with their friends or with school. The kids were so important
to him, and that’s something they remember to this day.”
Then
came that tragic night of March 13, 2010, the events of which later unfolded in
the headlines: Patrick was working as a cab driver when he picked up a
passenger, Darryel Garner; Garner shot Patrick five times in an attempted
robbery; gravely wounded, Patrick subdued his attacker, called 911, and managed
to pin him down until the authorities arrived; and that after calling the
police, he called Maria.
“The
night of March 13 will be stamped in my heart forever,” Maria says. “When
Patrick called telling me he had been shot, I didn’t ask who, where, or even
what his injuries were. I just wanted to know if he had called 911. He was very
calm and told me that he could hear the sirens coming and for me to meet him at
the hospital. I yelled for the kids – I was in such a panic – and Hillary
hugged me and told me it was going to be okay and that I just needed to go and
take care of Dad. Even the drive to the hospital was terrifying because it was
raining, it was very dark, and I got lost.”
When
Maria arrived to the hospital Patrick was alert, but in a great deal of pain.
The hospital staff kept asking him questions – What is your name? What is the
date? – in an effort to keep him awake. At one point they asked Patrick how
much he weighed, and when Maria answered 180 pounds Patrick corrected her by
saying 185. Finally he looked at his wife and said, “Maria, tell them to help
me.” They were the last words he would ever speak.
Patrick
was transferred to the Advocate Condell Medical Center where he underwent six
hours of surgery, and despite the fact that there were no complications,
Patrick never woke up again and remained in a coma for 73 days. He was
transferred to Froedtert Medical Center in Wisconsin, and every day Maria would
make the drive to be with him. When the doctors eventually brought up the
subject of removing Patrick from life support, Maria refused, fervently believing
that a miracle would bring Patrick out of his coma and that he would begin to
heal.
“God
knows us before we are even born,” Maria says. “God also knows the hope and
fear we keep in our hearts. So He listens, understands, and performs miracles
for us. We can see those miracles when we trust in God, His love and His
mercy.”
And
so she waited for her miracle. But days went by, there was no improvement, and
one day when the pressure of those daily drives and the uncertainty of the
future became too much to bear, Maria fell completely and totally to pieces.
“I
was in despair,” Maria remembers. “I told God that I was human and so very
tired. But even in the darkness I still felt the love of God that I had known
since childhood, so I surrendered to God’s will knowing that I couldn’t hold on
to Patrick anymore. And I gave him back to God. At that moment I felt such a
release in my heart; the only thing I asked God was not to leave me because I
couldn’t do this alone. I then went to the chapel to pray and I felt God’s
presence holding me.”
Five
days later, Maria was with Patrick when the nurse came in to bathe him. When Maria
offered to help, the nurse left them so that they were alone. For two hours, as
Maria bathed her husband, talked to him and comforted him, she went to another place
– a spiritual place – in which the hospital room fell away and there was just
her, Patrick, and the presence of God. And finally, Maria received her miracle.
“I
told Patrick to let God decide,” Maria says. “I told him he was the love of my
life, the father of my kids, and that he shouldn’t worry. I promised him that I
would stand on my faith and find my strength in God. I reassured him that we
would be okay. As I bathed him his fever went down and his heartbeat returned
to normal. I held him and he felt healthy. Then he opened his eyes and looked
at me. He was aware, he heard me, and he was comforted. His heartbeat slowed
and then stopped. Patrick went to God knowing we would be okay. And this was
God’s gift to me. This was my miracle.”
In
the days, weeks, and months following Patrick’s death, whenever the pain seemed
more than Maria could bear and she woke up crying in the night, the morning sun
would dispel the darkness of the night and Maria would once again feel Christ’s
light and His presence.
“My
faith in God, my relationship with him is stronger than ever,” Maria says. “I
will never heal one hundred percent, but He comforts me, dries my tears, and
gives me the courage to face the cross that I accepted when I surrendered to
Him. Faith is the only way to make sense of the storms and confusion, and it is
the only thing that can give us the confidence we need to move forward.”
Amazingly,
a big part of Maria being able to move forward was dealing with her feelings
concerning her husband’s attacker, Darryel Garner. In the beginning, she never even thought of
him; she was too busy focusing all her attention, love, and prayers on Patrick
and his well-being. Later, after Patrick died and the charges against Garner
were upgraded to murder, she saw him for the first time in court and admits
that she had mixed emotions seeing him there, alive, while her husband was
gone. But throughout everything, she never – not once – felt any hatred toward
him, and instead placed her trust both in the legal system and in God’s final
judgment.
“My
heart loves God, and to have God’s love you need to show mercy and to forgive,”
Maria says. “We must forgive because we need to be forgiven. Every day I pray
for all those in jail, including my husband’s murderer; I pray for them to find
God in their hearts.”
Today,
Maria says that she and her family are doing well. The sad memories sometimes still
overwhelm, but they know that talking about the sadness opens the way to
remembering the good times which, in turn, leads to healing. And with these past few years Maria says that she sees another miracle in
witnessing her own children grow in their faith; that they find comfort in
knowing that their father did an amazing job while on this earth and that he is
now with God.
And
because nothing will ever stop Maria from loving God, she is taking one day at
a time, finding the peace that can only be found with God, and telling her
story.
“I
want to share my story,” Maria says. “I want those who are suffering – from the
loss of a loved one, from unemployment or illness – to know that they are not
alone. We can unite our suffering to Christ’s suffering on the cross, and in
God’s mercy He will not abandon us. God wants us to be a light in the world,
and we need to let His light shine.”
