Since so many of you are experiencing the college drop-off day for the first time,
here is an article from last year.
Letting go never easy on the parents
by: Maria Novajosky, Guest Columnist
*published in today's Columbia County News-Times (Wednesday, August 12, 2015)
Two
years ago my husband and I experienced our first college move-in day when our
eldest son began his freshman year at Clemson University.
The date was circled on our
calendar for months, and as we added to the ever-growing college stockpile
in our dining room, in truth we never thought past that date. Everything we did
was leading up to it – purchasing the bed lines, dorm supplies, and textbooks –
but we couldn’t envision anything beyond. Sure, we talked about him going away
to college in the fall, but all the preparation seemed more like we were
planning a trip.
The night before the official
move-in day, we sat down for a special farewell dinner – the last home cooked
meal for our son before he had to live off the university meal plan. We watched
home videos, laughed, gave advice; we knew he would be leaving tomorrow, but we
couldn’t imagine that our family of five would soon be a family of four. I
mean, how could we? It was all we had ever known.
Driving to Clemson that morning
we were quiet, and with each passing mile I realized we were driving away from
everything we knew and heading into unchartered territory. Our son may have
been a freshman, but in many ways my husband and I were, too. When we arrived we
were caught up in a whirlwind of orange: the giant paw prints announcing that
This Was Tiger Country, the banners, signs and flags welcoming us to campus, and
the eight upperclassmen wearing t-shirts the color of construction cones
descending on our van to help us carry everything to our son’s room.
For the next several hours as
we helped him unpack, clean, and make his bed, as we met other parents and
visited the dining hall, and as we poked around the dorm it was almost fun.
Exciting, even. But there came the
moment – somehow we all sensed it at the same time – that the circled date on
our calendar was NOW. As we walked out of his room I placed a package on his
bed for him to open later – a box filled with notes from his brothers, funny
drawings, reminders from Dad, and a stack of blog posts I had written on our
family that I printed out and stapled together. Inside was also a bag of
dum-dum lollipops because there was something funny about giving a college
student something that was dumb.
When our son walked us to the
parking lot there was a moment of awkward silence. How do you take 18 years and
reduce them to a single goodbye hug? I looked up at my son and reality crashed
down in the form of tears and a lump in my throat that prevented me from saying
goodbye, or I love you. I couldn't even say the words.
And I’ll never, ever forget driving
away and feeling as if I left a part of me behind.
Today, I can still remember that day
like it was yesterday. But with the gift of hindsight I can also see how the
pain of letting go is much like ripping off a band aid – there is a moment of
searing pain, but it passes and then there is room for healing and growth and
newness. These two years we have watched
our son turn into a mature engineering student who has already completed two
engineering internships and who is headed for a career he truly loves. So I can
see how letting go was not only necessary, but good. And yet . . .
And yet this year we have another
date circled on our calendar as next week our middle son starts college. Again,
there is a dorm stockpile in the dining room with piles of towels, books, and
cleaning supplies stacked between a dorm refrigerator, a nightstand, and a
giant, foam mattress pad. The more we add to the piles, the closer the date looms.
Will it be easier this time around?
We may have been through this once
before, but no, letting go is never easy. Our family of five down to four and
then three; one son at college here, the other son over there, and our home
somewhere in the middle. The good news is we still have our third son who,
since he is only in the sixth grade, will be with us a while longer.
Thankfully we don’t have to let him
go just yet.