It started with 71

It started with 71.

Dollars, that is.

That was the amount of Timothy's first paycheck from Publix.

When he got the job last spring, the pandemic had changed the world as we knew it. Schools were closed and, as a result, students finished the rest of the academic year virtually. Travel to Europe was banned and travel at home was discouraged. People were advised to stay put, and when venturing outside there were mandates for social distancing and masks. Not the best time to start work.

As a family we discussed the wisdom of Timothy even working during that time. It was a difficult decision. News about the virus changed on an hourly basis, but we worked with what we knew: Timothy was in great health, he did not fall into any of the at-risk categories, and Publix was doing an excellent job of making the store safe (masks, cart sanitization, hand sanitizers, and one-way aisles). Then, of course, there was the fact that Timothy WANTED to work because he had a goal: to save enough money to buy a car the summer before his senior year in high school.

Finally, we talked about fear. We could see, even during those early days, how it would be so easy to withdraw from life and allow fear of the unknown to prevent us from truly living it. 

So on May 16, 2020, Timothy reported to work wearing a Publix green shirt, black work pants, a black apron, and a coordinating black mask. He worked all during the Pandemic summer of 2020, when school resumed in early August, and all through soccer season this past spring. He saved his money.

And just today, the summer before his senior year of high school and a little over a year from when he first started to work, he bought a car ... a peppy Mitsubishi Eclipse. 

Went in for an interview. Came out hired.

Somewhere in the Middle

Have you ever watched The Middle? As a family we love the Hecks, and we were happy when the show's final episode resolved some lingering questions that had carried over several seasons: Will Axl take the job in Denver? Will Sue and Sean get together already? And, most pressing of all, where will that snow globe end up next? 

At one point in the episode, Frankie demands that Mike stop the car, and there in the middle of nowhere she has a crying fit about all the changes happening in their family. 

She cries because the changes herald the sobering reality that things will now different than what they used to be. 

But as much as we would like time to stand still, the reality is that life is a progression of changes--in big, sweeping ways, or little ones that sneak up on you; in ways that bring tears of joy, or depths of despair.  Minute to minute we experience change because, between the bookends of birth and death, changes are the stepping stones for this journey we call Life. 

At the end of that final episode my son asked why the show was called The Middle, so we went through some possibilities: the Hecks are a middle class family, they live in the middle of America, they have three children and the odd number means someone is always caught in the middle.

Or maybe it's because in life we're always in the middle, living in the present but sandwiched between the past and the future. Then, the minute we step into the future we are in the middle again.

I might need a Frankie moment. I'm not sure if this will call for a hug, a tissue, a cookie, or some alone time, but maybe I'll start with a cappuccino.

That's always a good place to start. 

All Who Wander (with a Map) are Not Lost

 Once upon a time we signed Timothy up for a little league flag football team specifically for 1st and 2nd graders. Let me begin by saying it was a complete and total disaster. The kids were rough, the coach was tough, and the parents were absolutely insane (during the first game a woman had to be escorted off the field for yelling like a maniac at the kids).

I knew it was a mistake when, after the first practice, the coach passed out a sheet of paper entitled The Undertaker -- a football play the players were told to memorize.

On the ride home from practice, Timothy looked at the x's and o's and thought it was a treasure map.

I loved the fact that a map sparked Timothy's imagination, that he saw the x's and o's and thought of treasures, and pirate ships, and high seas adventure.  It was something I understood completely because maps have the same effect on me.

In this age of Google Maps and GPS, which admittedly I do use, I still like a good old fashioned map. One I can spread out on the kitchen table in order to take notes in the margin; a map with cities and towns I can circle or star; a map upon which I can make x's and o's and use a bright yellow highlighter to mark our route.

That's my idea of a treasure map. 

Last Night I Had a Dream

I was leaving a costume party, and for some reason I was sporting a bushy black mustache.

On the way home, I had to stop at the DMV to update my driver's license photo. The problem was that every time they tried to take my photo, I smiled because the mustache made me look ridiculous. And the DMV workers did not want me to smile. 

But every time they told me not to smile, I started giggling. Because I looked ridiculous.

So then, in walks my sister. (Sorry, Laura. I do not control these things. You were wearing a green, off-the-shoulder peasant blouse and large hoop earrings. You looked pretty, and in my dream I told you so.)

Anyway, my immensely helpful sister said the problem was that the mustache was too bushy and I should just scrunch it together.

So, I scrunched it together. 

But then I looked like Hitler and EVERYONE in the DMV waiting area was laughing.

I mean, the place was out of control with laughter.

Finally I just ripped off the mustache (Yowza! that hurt!), took the photo (no smiling), and then we all went on our merry way.

THE END

P. S. Neither alcohol nor wacky tobacky was involved prior to bedtime. I feel the need to stress this.  I just have weird dreams.

Perspective

The other night we were watching the evening news with our seventeen-year-old son. Our home, which has always been a haven of safety and comfort, was bombarded with flickering images that were affecting our mood--the violence, rioting, protestors chanting, news anchors arguing, looters breaking store windows and setting fires. The tension, both from the screen and from those of us watching was palpable. And I thought ... no more. Every night our son is being told by politicians, news anchors, rioters, and so-called "leaders" that our country, our entire nation, is on the verge of collapse. NO. MORE. I turned off the television and talked about perspective and narrative. We discussed the issues as a family and decided we will not let the narrative be dictated by those whose only agenda is to drive ratings and score political footholds. Tonight ... we will watch The Chosen. 

Our conversation on perspective ... 

According to the latest statistics (2019), there are 328 million people living in the United States.

According to the latest statistics (2018), there are 19,495 incorporated cities, towns, and villages in the United States.

According to the latest statistics (2019), there are 697,195 law enforcement officers employed in the United States.

Despite news headlines claiming that the United States is in a crisis and that political, social, and economic division is ripping the country apart,

or the claims that systemic racism is rampant in all levels of our society,

or the headlines that paint every single law enforcement officer as racist,

or the images that suggest every city is plagued by riots and civil unrest and looting--

despite all these things, chances are you listen to news anchors and watch the news clips and think, "That's not my experience. That's not my country or my city. That is not me."

Because most of the 328 million people living in the United States are citizens who work side by side, play together at recess, socialize at parties, and worship at churches, synagogues, temples, or mosques. And they do all this despite differences in economic, social, political, racial, or religious differences. 

Because most of the 19,495 incorporated cities, towns, and villages in the United States are NOT Portland, Minneapolis, Seattle, Los Angeles, or New York City. 

Because most of the 697,195 law enforcement officers serving in these cities, towns, and villages do not have a hidden agenda other than to protect and serve.

So, while news outlets like to apply complex issues to the whole of America, these issues may not necessarily define your city, your police force, your neighbors.

Or you.

This does not mean that problems should not be acknowledged and that we should not step forward to be part of a collective change. As citizens, we carry the responsibility to promote the ideals of our country.

But the United States covers 3.8 million square miles, the land as varied, complex, colorful, and complicated as its people. 

When you limit your sight to the lens of a telescope, it is easy to lose sight of the whole.

GIVE, by Lorenzo Quinn

Perspective

The other night we were watching the evening news with our seventeen-year-old son. Our home, which has always been a haven of safety and comfort, was bombarded with flickering images that were affecting our mood--the violence, rioting, protestors chanting, news anchors arguing, looters breaking store windows and setting fires. The tension, both from the screen and from those of us watching was palpable. And I thought ... no more. Every night our son is being told by politicians, news anchors, rioters, and so-called "leaders" that our country, our entire nation, is on the verge of collapse. NO. MORE. I turned off the television and talked about perspective and narrative. We discussed the issues as a family and decided we will not let the narrative be dictated by those whose only agenda is to drive ratings and score political footholds. Tonight ... we will watch The Chosen. 

So, let us put things in perspective--

According to the latest statistics (2019), there are 328 million people living in the United States.

According to the latest statistics (2018), there are 19,495 incorporated cities, towns, and villages in the United States.

According to the latest statistics (2019), there are 697,195 law enforcement officers employed in the United States.

Despite news headlines claiming that the United States is in a crisis and that political, social, and economic division is ripping the country apart,

or the claims that systemic racism is rampant in all levels of our society,

or the headlines that paint every single law enforcement officer as racist,

or the images that suggest every city is plagued by riots and civil unrest and looting--

despite all these things, chances are you listen to news anchors and watch the news clips and think, "That's not my experience. That's not my country or my city. That is not me."

Because most of the 328 million people living in the United States are citizens who work side by side, play together at recess, socialize at parties, and worship at churches, synagogues, temples, or mosques. And they do all this despite differences in economic, social, political, racial, or religious differences. 

Because most of the 19,495 incorporated cities, towns, and villages in the United States are NOT Portland, Minneapolis, Seattle, Los Angeles, or New York City. 

Because most of the 697,195 law enforcement officers serving in these cities, towns, and villages do not have a hidden agenda other than to protect and serve.

So, while news outlets like to apply complex issues to the whole of America, these issues may not necessarily define your city, your police force, your neighbors.

Or you.

This does not mean that problems should not be acknowledged and that we should not step forward to be part of a collective change. As citizens, we carry the responsibility to promote the ideals of our country.

But the United States covers 3.8 million square miles, the land as varied, complex, colorful, and complicated as its people. 

When you limit your sight to the lens of a telescope, it is easy to lose sight of the whole.

United Nations, New York City (July 2018)

United Nations, New York City (July 2018)

St. Joseph, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways ...

Today is the Feast Day of St. Joseph. Not only do we have a day to honor this saint, but Pope Francis has proclaimed this as the "Year of St. Joseph."

This feast day is not only celebrated in southern Italy (specifically Sicily where he is the island's patron saint), but also in many churches, parish halls, and Italian-American clubs across the United States. Sometimes our family celebrates quietly, sometimes we go all out. Our last big celebration (in 2019, one year before the pandemic) included family, friends, neighbors, and our parish priests ... there were almost 40 people sitting around the table in our backyard. Click on the links at the end of the post to see past celebrations. 

I have always had a special place in my heart for St. Joseph, and here is why ...

1- One of my earliest memories was kneeling next to my Nonna in church. She was praying for the intercession of Mary, but I looked at the statue of Joseph. Not wanting him to feel left out I prayed to him. I continued to do this through the years, especially after our three sons were born.

2- Years later when I was writing my book, I found a letter from my Nonna saying how happy she was that I had been baptized on the Feast Day of St. Joseph. I never knew this, but it explained many things.

3- Not only was I baptized on this feast day, but in that same letter I also discovered that my father had been baptized on this feast day when he entered the church shortly before marrying my mother. 

4- In 2010 a woman in my Bible study encouraged each of us to pull a saint's name out of a basket and allow that saint to work in our life for one year. The underlying concept was this: although you physically drew the saint's name, the saint actually chose you. There were fifty of us there that day who took turn drawing a saint ... and St. Joseph chose me. 

5- I married a Joseph. St. Joseph's Feast day is also Father's Day in Italy, so Happy Father's Day to my Joseph!

6- My article, I Never Knew, was published in Shalom Tidings (a Catholic magazine). It was about my affinity to St. Joseph and his role in our lives. 

7- I dedicated an entire chapter to St. Joseph in my book, An Ocean, an Airplaine, and Two Countries Full of Kisses. 

How will we celebrate this year? Our last big celebration was in 2019, then the pandemic hit and the next two feast days were celebrated quietly. But I have plans for 2022! 

For more information on St. Joseph and how we celebrate this feast day, visit any of the links below ...

Speak to Me Sunday: Blessings in Empty Wine Glasses

I Never Knew

The Feast Day of St. Joseph

A Week and a Day

The St. Joseph Feast Day Box

Celebrating in (Italian) Style

The Feast of St. Joseph: Celebrating Quietly

St. Joseph on All Saints' Day