It is a fundamental truth that we are not kind to ourselves. We are self critics by nature. We perceive ourselves much, much differently than other people perceive us, and when they try to be complimentary we do not listen.
I once attended a retreat that demonstrated this very point.
Scattered around the room were chairs arranged into groups
of three. We were told to find a seat but that you could not sit next to anyone
you knew. As it turned out, I ended up in a group with two men. We were then
given instructions to jot down complimentary things you notice about the two people
in your group, after which we were to share the compliments with each other.
This was so out of my comfort zone and I was beyond
embarrassed before the exercise even started. But the purpose of the assignment
was to teach us to not only hear compliments, but to listen. And to believe.
After the allotted time the two gentlemen paid me their
compliments, and while they were so kind and genuine about it, I still felt out
of my comfort zone and I was still beyond embarrassed. BUT, if I am being
honest, they also made me feel good.
Several years later, I was going through some old papers and
found these hand-written compliments from those two men. Reading them made me
smile, and maybe because the words were written instead of spoken, they were
much easier to accept.
Which made me realize this: if most people tend to dismiss a
compliment, then maybe a compliment should be given twice. A double compliment,
if you will. One that is half-heard, and one that hits the bullseye.
Mark Twain once said that he could live two months on a
single compliment and, truthfully, there have been times when a single
compliment changed the entire course of my day. It’s an easy enough thing to
do, and when a compliment comes from a place of genuine good will it can
do wonders.
Especially if you make it a double.
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