An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

An Italian-American living la dolce vita in the Deep South

Monday, January 14, 2008

Italian for Dummies!

Okay, so you want to speak Italian? Read the following story of The Three Bears with a heavy Italian accent and see if you understand what you're saying. I'll get you started with the first couple of lines: Once upon a time was three bears; mamma bear, pappa bear, and baby bear. Live in country near forest. Nice house, no mortgage. One day pappa, mamma, and baby go beach, hurry and forget to lock the door.

Now you try...(BTW, the last word in the story is city hall)

Di Tri Berrese

Uans appona taim uas tri berrese; mamma berre, pappa berre, e beibi berre. Live inna contri nire foresta. Naise aus, no mugheggia. Uanna dei pappa, mamma, e beibi go bice, orie e furghetta locche di dorra.

Bai enne bai commese Goldilocchese. Sci garra nattingha tu du batte meiche troble. Sci puscia olle fudde daon di maute; no live cromme. Den sci gos appesterrese enne slipse in olle beddse. Bai enne bai commese omme di tri berrese, olle sannebronne enne send inne scius. Dei garra no fudde; dei garra no beddse. En uara dei goine du tu Goldilocchese? Tro erre aute inne strit? Colle pulissemenn?

Deis uas Italien berrese, enne dei slippe onne florre. Goldilocchese stei derre tri deise: dei esch erre tu meiche di beddse, sci runne omme craine tu erre mamma. Uatssiuse? Uara iu goine du? Go compleine sittiole?

23 comments:

Ua said...

This is so hilarious! A real test would be to see if our Italian-American mother can read it!

Hey - I found an error in your translation. "go bice" is "go beach." That's why the three bears come home later "all sunburned, sand in their shoes."

:-)

Bia said...

oops, dear sister, you are so right. "bice" is beach and not busy. I'll make the correction. now...don't you have a book to write, or something?!

Soutenus said...

PLEEEEEASE tell me that is real Italian??? It's a joke right? Cause I understood it all. If it was real Italian I wouldn't be able to understand it. It's a joke, right? And I want to speak Italian sooooo bad, you have no idea.

Thanks for visiting A Catholic Notebook! I loved your idea of inviting consecrated/religious to vacation with the family. I added it to the list with a link back to you!

I am happy to have discovered your blog, too! I laughed with you while reading your post about calling your toddler and his response, "I'm not doing ANYTHING!" The picture was precious!

Soutenus said...

"Uara iu goine du?" MyMary (my adopted grandmother) used to say that ALL the time. My Mom's name was Marge and MyMary would say, "Uara iu goine du, ahMarchie?"
OK, now I have to go straight home from school and make some pizelles -- I am missing MyMary so mucha!

Lisa said...

This is too much fun, Bia!! We girls are going to try it for Daddy when he gets home and see what he makes of it! -gg- Oh! I wish my boys were here to get their mouths around it!

Kellan said...

Hey - thanks for coming over and leaving the well wishes - I am fine - only need to remember about that bra thing the next time I ever have to call 911. Hope to see you tomorrow. Kellan

:o) mg said...

Hilarious!

Bia said...

Soutenus- You are too, too funny! I don't want to burst your bubble by saying that this is not Italian...because it is, of sorts. Read it fast, wave your arms, and you could be Italian! In any case, there is nothing wrong in pretending...it fuels the imagination! And I have to say, I was craving pizelle all afternoon!Ciao!

Lisa- I hope your girls had fun with this. Let me know if there was any part you couldn't figure out (it took me a while to figure out "sittiole" was "City Hall").

Soutenus said...

I did -- I did!! I was talking and gesturing and lost in a place (in my mind) where I really thought I had just come over from the old country!! My husband and son walked into the kitchen and thought I'd gone round the bend.

BTW -- I couldn't understand MyMary until I was about 10. I really did think her broken English was Italian and that both my parents were fluent.

Ciao!

Lisa said...

This was reminding us for some reason of our Belgian friend... Too much fun! Our favorite line is:"Sci puscia olle fudde daon di maute; no live cromme." &:o)

If you get a chance to swing by AWTY, Bia, I have a little something for you. (Yeah, I know you probably already have one, but this is something you can't have too much of!)

Kathryn said...

Thanks Bia!!!
As soon as my printer is up and running I'm going to try this!!!

Dori said...

Hi! I stumbled upon your blog, and I really like it! I have three older brothers, so I know your house must be tons of fun! Right now, I'm in Italy.. I'm spending 9 months here for a cultural exchange. I speak Italian, and I don't understand any of "Di Tri Berrese"! Is that because I speak Northern Italian?

Kari & Kijsa said...

Teehee- We enjoyed this!!

Blessings,
kari & kijsa

Bia said...

Dori- Oh! It's so nice to meet you. Here's the trick to understanding "Di tri Berrese": You have to read it out loud with a HEAVY Italian accent; in other words, pretend to be an old Italian Nonna who is trying to speak English and whose accent is so thick that the English actually sounds like funny Italian. Confused? Mamma Mia!

GrandmaK said...

That is the funniest Goldilocks and the Three Bears I have ever read. Can you tell I am laughing? So hard that you should also be able to see the tears on your computer screen. What a gift!!! And what a boost to my day!! Cathy

Maria said...

Wow that was so hard to understand. But boy was it funny!

Karen said...

I love the no mortgage part! Hysterial, all of it.

Anonymous said...

I am going to fire both of my daughters, all of their friends, and you will all have to come to my class to learn THE REAL ITALIAN LANGUAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mamma mia! If our great poet Dante would read such horrors he would have to re-write La Divina Commedia in ENGLISH in order to bring some enlightenment to "certain" people!
I forgive you all. Nonna Massimilla

Davide said...

My Great Aunt Effisia was given this to read some 50 years ago. She read it flawlessly while the rest of the family cried with laughter. When she finished, she said, "So uatsa so arda abauta dat?"

Do you have the similar Jack in the Beanstalk?

Maria Paolone said...

Well, I've been looking for this for almost 34 years! I gave it to my husband that long ago..he is from Italy and the version I had was longer! My cousin, girlfriend and I all had a hard time reading it and he breezed through it with NO PROBLEM! We all busted our ribs with laughter and wet our pants!!! Thanks for a great memory!

Maria Paolone said...

Nonna Massimilla! Non ti preoccupare!!!!!! Questo e` scritto foneticamente per uno che PENSA sapere la lingua Italiana!! LOLOL.....

Kimberly Shuber said...

My father brought this home back in the late seventies...I remember it having something about her say what sonamagons da tri berrese were. Do you have another version with more colorful language?

Bia said...

Kimberly,

I took out that particular sentence . . . you never know when my boys will log on to read it:0)