Motherhood is Not Always a Hallmark Moment

Motherhood is sometimes a crappy job.

There. I’ve said it.

Sometimes you reach a point in which you have no choice but to acknowledge this because no amount of avoiding, ignoring, or denying this fact can sugarcoat the reality that motherhood is sometimes a crappy job.

I look at mothers with infants and toddlers and think: that part of motherhood is easy. Sleepless nights, nursing around the clock, arranging play dates, deciding on a preschool, watching Dora or Diego again and again, dealing with the terrible two’s … that’s the easy part. That’s not hard. It’s tiring, but it’s not hard.

I look at mothers with young children and I want to warn them: beware, it’s not always going to be this good. I want to tell them that no matter how loving, caring, and attentive a mother you are, there will come a day when you will question whether you did enough; that no matter how hard you worked to do the right thing, you can’t help thinking that everything you did was wrong.

You’re probably wondering what happened that I’m not my usual dolce vita self, but it’s not one thing. It’s a little of everything – non communication, surliness, ungratefulness. Really, take your pick. And how do you fix these things? Tell a teen to talk, and they grow more sullen. Tell a teen to be polite, and they roll their eyes. Tell a teen to be grateful, and he mutters something that you think is a thank you.

I need an instruction manual. Where’s my instruction manual?

So I try this, I try that. I dance around trying to make everyone happy, but sometimes the dancing just makes me tired. I maintain an open line of communication, but sometimes I am just talking to myself. I pray, but sometimes the words won’t come.

And during these times it helps a little just to be able to admit that motherhood is sometimes a crappy job.