(Yesterday, I came across this graphic and, sadly, it is all too true. It is also true that this conversation could apply to any two people with opposing views. We are at a point in our culture where, in order to feel justified or validated, the other side must agree with you. Or else. What happens when nobody listens, but everyone wants to be heard?)
The Chinese character for the word “listen” is made by combining two main characters: one depicting the ears, and the other depicting the heart. Why? Because listening wholeheartedly with undivided attention requires the use of not only the ears, but also the heart.
Do you hear what I hear?
In today’s world of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, everyone has a voice. With posts, tweets and blogs, people are vying to be heard. With news broadcasts, radio programs, talk shows and podcasts, the entire country is talking. Everyone wants to offer their opinions, confer their beliefs, and promote their political agenda. And by golly, everyone better listen.
But what happens when what we are saying is not getting through? When our words scatter in the wind like confetti?
The talking gets louder. And faster. It becomes accusatory (“You’re not listening to me!”) and dismissive (“I am right. You are wrong. End of discussion.”) and very, very judgmental (“Who do you think you are?”). The talking resorts to name-calling and labels people as Democrat or Republican, Christian or non-Christian, mask wearers or non-mask wearers, black or white. We reduce the entire essence of a person or group into one tiny label until that label is all we see anymore.
Then, to make sure we are not alone, we create kingdoms with others who are like-minded; we build our walls, put up our fences, climb our tall towers, draw lines in the sand. We form political parties and special interest groups. We hold town hall meetings and political rallies. And we continue to talk, talk, talk mainly to others who are just. like. us.
All this talk, but is anyone really listening?
Civil discourse is a lost art. Once upon a time people listened with the intent to understand; but today it seems people listen with the intent to reply.
The world, more than ever, is so complicated. So much of what is going on right now is messy and uncertain and scary. But instead of uniting us, we have become divisive; instead of rising to the occasion, we are wallowing in the mud.
One day a student and teacher were talking.
“How can a decent, respectful human being understand the real-world situation?” asked the student.
“Always listen wholeheartedly to both sides and you will be enlightened,” the teacher responded. “Listen to only one side and you will be left in the dark.”
The thing is, you cannot change someone’s mind by yelling at them, pointing a finger, or calling them names; you cannot solidify your position by toppling statues or breaking windows; you cannot show someone the way when you have shoved them to the ground.
You cannot talk of love when you spew hate.
It really does not have to be this way, and the solution is not that complicated. If you build a wall, put in a door; if you isolate yourself in tall tower, lower a ladder; if you a draw a line in the sand, extend a hand over it.
Do not try to change someone else’s mind. Instead listen to their unique story, tell them yours, and discover common ground.
After all, the most basic of all human needs is to understand and be understood.
And the best way to understand people is to listen … with both your ears and your heart.
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