Speak to Me Sunday: Living the Question

Wallowing in mediocrity.

Not to be overly dramatic, but those words can haunt me.

As someone who writes (or tries to), plays the guitar (okay-ish), loves art (but is not an artist), dabbles in poetry (the very bad kind), decorates (but panics when selecting paint color), follows fashion (but sticks to wearing black) ... well, I look at that list and think: I am okay at this, I am good at that. Okay is good. Good is good. But is it wrong to yearn to be GREAT in any one of those things? To be able to put pen to paper effortlessly? Play the guitar without sheet music? Create inspirational poetry? Wear bright yellow (or pink or purple) and own it? 

No, it is not wrong, for even as I wallow in mediocrity, even as I struggle to be where I am, the journey of being okay-ish leaves mountains, oceans, galaxies of self exploration and improvement to explore. Being okay-ish dispels complacency and embraces growth.

In truth, I am not so much wallowing as living a question. 

The poet Rainer Maria Rilke, in Letters to a Young Poet, said we should have patience with everything that remains unsolved in the heart; that we must love the questions themselves; that it is okay not to look for immediate answers because then we could not live them. 

And it is important to live the question. 

A question is a good place to begin. It launches astronauts into space, stirs a longing for God, inspires artists, gives imagination to the writer. A question fuels the search, which immediately sets you on a journey. 

Recently, I had an opportunity to live the question when a friend and I signed up for a Beginning Drawing class in Aiken. Suddenly I was immersed in a world of composition, harmony, perspective, light and shadow. I learned the different types of graphite pencils and how to find the vanishing point. I learned how to view the world in a different way, and what a beautiful world it is!

Very Bad Art will now be added to my Files of Very Bad Poetry. 

Which is all sorts of wonderful. I am living the question and love every minute of it.

Have patience with everything that remain unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, liked locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. 

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

A Forever Family on Valentine's Day

This morning I grabbed my CASA photo id and showed up bright and early at Columbia County Courtroom #1 to witness love in action at an adoption proceeding.

Finally, my CASA child was getting her forever family. 

After 62 months in the foster care system, after being placed with three different families in the past year alone, after being enrolled in three different schools in that same period, after losing the chance for adoption two years ago when her foster father suddenly passed away, after all this time today, on Valentine's Day, this precious 9-year old now has a mom, a dad, and a baby sister.

When the parents raised their right hands in a solemn oath to care for and love this little girl who will now be considered their biological child, there was not a dry eye in the place. 

Later, after hugs and gifts, I thought about all the love that brought about this moment. It is so easy to focus on all the brokenness, on an overburdened foster care system and overworked caseworkers, but there is so much courage and heroism and love. It is there, believe me. I am humbled at how hard everyone worked so that today a little girl is no longer alone in the world. 

It was a perfect love story for Valentine's Day.  

photo used with permission

Dear ----,

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite possessions was a Memory Box. When I first received my box it was empty, like this one I’m giving you, but over time I filled it with things that held a special meaning for me: a small silver bracelet, some flower petals, postcards from our family vacations, a letter from my grandmother, ticket stubs from Broadway, photos of my family.

I still have my Memory Box, and now I want you to have one, too.

Today is a special day because you and your forever family have found one another. You now have a new Mom, a new Dad, a new sister. They have you. And I hope you will use this Memory Box to collect and store all the beautiful new memories you will be creating as a family.

Love,

Maria Novajosky, CASA

February 14, 2022

Christmas Au Revoir

Au Revoir, Christmas Soldier. 

Today I am packing away the ribbons and tags; storing packages, boxes, and bags.

I am basically undoing everything we did a month and a half ago. The tree that went up, is now coming down. The nativity sets, garland, and stockings that were on display, are not hidden away.

All that fuss, and just like that it is over.

Then, I reach for a painted signboard, Three Wise Men with the words, "REJOICE in the gifts of the season."

Rejoice. In the gifts.

Not the sparkly ones under the tree, but the ones that plant memories: the boys home for the holidays, the first Christmas as a married couple for my oldest son and his wife, the first visit to Augusta for my middle son's girlfriend, board game marathons, houseguests, Christmas day with my entire family, late night walks, new recipes, movie nights, baklava and cappuccino, college acceptance letters, homemade tortellini. 

And then there are the spiritual gifts, the reasons for this season: the gifts of the Magi, the angels' Alleluia, the shepherds' witness, and the Christ child in a manger. The gifts of faith, peace, goodwill, forgiveness, and salvation for all mankind until the end of time.

So yes, I am clearing away the trimmings of Christmas, the things that made the season sparkly, cozy, and exciting! I am storing the ribbons and tags, packages, boxes, and bags. But the real Christmas gifts, the ones that matter, cannot be packed away to reappear only one time a year. They keep on giving, over and over. 

I am not putting away Christmas; it is not goodbye, but au revoir. Until I see you again. 

Yesterday, tomorrow, next December, now.

In Which I Lie to our Deacon

This morning Joe and I were in Costco and ran into the Deacon of our parish and his wife.

We exchanged Happy New Year greetings and told them how we were there to purchase a new television because ours died last night. 

"We have exact measurements because we need to find one that fits our cabinet. I am not buying new furniture," I explained.

Five minutes later--FIVE MINUTES!--my words went out the window when Joe loaded a 55-inch Samsung onto the cart because the last day of a Super Sale meant there was only $100 difference between the 40-inch (which is what we intended to get) and the more impressive 55-inch.

Of course, tomorrow I need to go find a credenza or console (or something) because right now that television is on the floor. 

What can I say? A New Year. Carpe Diem. Seize the (sale) opportunity.

And mea culpa to our Deacon. 

Speak to Me (Advent) Sunday: Actively Waiting

The fact that Thanksgiving slides effortlessly into the Advent season is just as it should be. After the past few days of family gathering from near and far, sitting around the table talking, laughing, passing heaping plates of food--all that bounty!--we can now ride that wave of gratitude as we step into the Advent season.

But what should we be doing during Advent?

It sounds paradoxical during the hustle and bustle of the next coming weeks, but spiritually ... we wait.

Actively.

Like that waiting time before a trip. That period of preparation for a future action, a period of activity in waiting for the Moment.

So in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the next coming weeks, I will also be cocooned in this season of anticipation. I will wait. Actively. With prayer, scripture, and reflection of the healing memory of the God who became child and the hope that memory brings.

Advent wreath 2021: mismatched candle holders, greenery from a foraging adventure, 

one perfect pine cone from Joe during a canal walk, holly leaves from our yard.

No purple or pink candles, but I am okay with that since original Advent wreaths were

made with homemade beeswax candles. 

The Symbolism behind the Advent wreath:

greenery = everlasting life

holly = crown of thorns

pine cones/nuts/pods = life and resurrection

four candles = four weeks of Advent

color purple = prayer, penance, royalty

color pink = rejoicing

circular wreath = eternity of God; His never-ending love

progressive lighting of the candles = expectation and hope surrounding Christ's birth

Time Travelers

Last week, a monumental thing happened: we made our last mortgage payment. When Joe officially submitted the last payment, and after we high-fived and celebrated, the enormity of the moment hit us:  our house was now truly OURS. 

It's a marvelous thing to look back and see how it all began. On that May 22, 1998 we sat with lawyers and realtors around a huge conference table and reviewed contracts and transferred funds and signed on the dotted line, after which we took the boys to McDonald's to celebrate the fact that we had just bought a house. But as excited as we were to move in, it was also daunting thinking how long it would take to pay it off.

Twenty-three years, as it would happen.

Sometimes, an ultimate goal can seem so, so far away. And yet, we moved forward one step at a time, one day at a time. And months passed. Then years. Our youngest son was born, the boys went to grade school, high school, college. We celebrated birthdays and First Communions and Christmases. We lived our lives focused on the now until one day we looked up and realized the goal which had seemed so far away was upon us. 

Then, a few days later, Joe received in the mail a beautiful gift box celebrating the fact that he had  achieved One Million Miler Status with Delta. Inside the box was a gift certificate, a lifetime membership at the Silver Medallion level, two special 1 Million Miler luggage tags, and a commemorative trophy. 

One million miles of work. Travel. Sacrifice. Joe working to build the fort while I was holding it down.  

I find it incredibly serendipitous that both events happened within a week of each other since they offer so many things to ponder and learn. Lessons about the passage of time, and how distance can be measured in miles or minutes or years; lessons about building a house and making it a home; lessons about going forth but hearing the siren call of hearth and home; lessons about perseverance and doggedness and living in the Now even while planning for the Later.

Mostly, though, I think how time is God's gift, a constant that cannot be speeded up, or reversed, or stopped. We live within it, and whether or not we are moving, we are nonetheless traveling.

Every day I visited the building site with the boys 

who wore their Fisher Price tool belts. 

One Million Miler with Delta

2022 Girls' Trip to Italy

 

Announcing the 2022 Girls’ Trip to Italy!

Naples and the Splendors of Sicily

October 5 – 17, 2022

Information session: Sunday, December 5, 2 p.m. at Maria’s house.

Come hear about our exciting 12-day trip to Naples and Sicily! It will be a fun afternoon with information (detailed itinerary, pricing, accommodations, highlights), Q&A, door prizes, and an opportunity to reminisce about past trips and get excited about this new one. It’s always fun to talk about Italy!

Please RSVP to Maria or Laura so we can get your information packet ready.

Pack your bags for Naples and the Splendors of Sicily! Here are a few of the trip highlights:

1- the Veiled Christ in the Sansevero Chapel

2- walking tour of Spacanapoli

3- Caserta and the Royal Palace and gardens

4- chocolate tasting in Modica

5- Abbey of Monreale and the mosaics at the adjacent Benedictine cloister

6- olive oil tasting and lunch at a local farmhouse

7- Valley of Temples, a UNESCO World Heritage Site

8- wine tasting and lunch at a local estate

9- boat excursion to the island of Ortigia

10- a Godfather Tour … 2022 is the 50th anniversary of The Godfather movie, and we will visit the Sicilian towns that served as location when filming The Godfather trilogy