Put me in front of a group of people to do a presentation on Italy, share ideas on family Lenten practices or explain Brunelleschi's dome and its influence on architecture, and I am in my element; in fact, I love it.
But, ask me to do a book talk and I am a bundle of nerves. As in, take-deep-breaths-or-I-will-throw-up kind of nerves.
It's a conundrum. The only thing I can figure is that in one scenario I'm teaching, in the other I'm sharing.
Also, I've never done this sort of thing before, so there has been a huge learning curve. Each time I give a book talk I learn something new, which is good, but also creates self-doubt because I'm in a situation involving trial and error. But I now know, for instance, to bring a pen to sign books (at my first book talk I had to borrow one), to ask questions about the venue because it helps knowing ahead of time if there will be a podium or if I will be using a microphone, to speak from my heart and not rely on notes, and to request two easels for poster boards I like to use as a backdrop.
Yesterday I was invited to speak at the local chapter of the Suburban Woman's Club, and when it was time to leave home I was this close to being sick. I needed backup, so I turned to God and called my sister. In that order. With God I was grateful for this opportunity to share my story and humbly asked for a smidgen of courage; with my sister I got to the point.
"Okay. Talk to me. I'm giving a book talk in 30 minutes and I already feel like I'm going to be sick," I said. "Why do I do this? It is so idiotic. I am prepared. I have a really good talk that comes full circle by the end. I am even having a good hair day! So why can't I breathe?"
I'm laughing when I say this, but not really.
"Oh, you do need to breathe," Laura says helpfully. "Breathing is important."
Before I can come up with a witty response, she continues.
"I get the same way when I have to do a presentation at work," she explains. "You need to remember to breathe from your diaphragm, not your upper chest. It helps."
See? I always learn something new. A little later I'm smiling and breathing from my diaphragm while the treasurer of the club introduces me.
Here's another thing I've learned in doing these book talks: After working myself up into such a state, at some point during the presentation I settle down and actually enjoy it. Which is precisely what happened yesterday. I had a lovely lunch with some truly lovely people who liked hearing my story. They laughed, wiped away a tear or two, asked questions, and wanted to know more.
"You are the best speaker we've had in a long time," one woman said afterwards. "You are so personable. Do you have other things you could talk about because I want to hear you again."
I liked the fact that she used the word personable because it allows for a little bit of everything, including nerves.
I smiled at her, and remembered to breathe from my diaphragm.
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