Six Questions I'd Like to Ask Jennifer Lopez and Shakira

Note: This is my opinion, and if you have a different one ... awesome! Wow! Feel free to write your own post! I won't hold your opinion against you, as I hope you will not begrudge me mine. You know, freedom of expression and healthy discourse ...

-1-

The New York Times and other news agencies have applauded your Super Bowl halftime show as being about woman empowerment. You stated how you wanted to give the message that women are on top of the world. There is no doubt that you are successful, beautiful, and talented. There is no doubt you are a powerful woman. There is no doubt that you can command audiences. But an editorial in the Washington Times also called your show “scandalously sexual” so I’m curious as to why you chose to objectify women in a manner we’ve been fighting against for years?

-2-

According to a report by the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office, Florida ranks third nationwide in human trafficking cases and Miami-Dade County is the biggest sex trafficking hub in the state. Then, when you add a sporting event like the Super Bowl to the mix, the number of sex trafficking cases skyrockets. Did you think about this? Were you thinking about woman empowerment as you selected costumes, choreographed dance moves, and strategically catered to camera angles?

-3-

Supporters of your show have mentioned that it was also meant to be an in-your-face commentary to Oscar voters for their mistake in not nominating you in last year’s stripper drama, Hustlers. I find this interesting since words like “stripper” and “stripper’s pole” have been used to describe the halftime performance. Again, how does this not objectify women?

-4-

I understand that the use of rope and girls in cages were meant to convey that women can break free; that it was a political statement against immigration policy when you said, “Other people can try to build walls, keep us out or put is in cages.” But break free to do what? Undulate, twerk, spread their legs, grab their crotch, and put their bodies in a situation of being objectified? Forgive me, but surely you can understand the confusion.

-5-

How did you honestly think your performance would be viewed?  For example, did bar patrons, college students, or football fans across America watch the show and say, “Wow, what a powerful, strong woman.”?  Or, were the majority saying, “Damn, she’s hot.”? Was your intention to get attention for your accomplishments, talents and strengths, or to showcase something else entirely?

-6-

Finally, as a powerful woman in which you called the shots, and being in a position in which you could have taken the show in any direction artistically, why then did you choose to go back to objectifying women in this manner when we have been making strives to overcome this objectification? Would you consider this progress, or regression?

Speak to Me Sunday: Birth Days and Birthdays

As part of my training to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA), I recently had to observe two courtroom sessions in Juvenile and Family Court. 

I saw and heard a lot, some of it shocking and terribly heart wrenching, but the saddest thing--even among the stories of drug abuse, child abandonment, and foster care placement--was a detention hearing involving a teenager brought before the court on weapons charges. When his case was called there was some confusion because other than a court-appointed attorney, the teen did not have a family member present. The attorney made some phone calls but couldn't reach anyone. Then it was discovered that it was the teen's 17th birthday, and because he was now an adult in the eyes of the court the hearing could go on as scheduled. 

When the teenager was escorted into the courtroom (wearing restraints on his wrists and ankles) he immediately looked to his left to see who was there ... and all he saw was a gallery of empty seats.

Neither his mother nor this father had come. Not a grandmother, an aunt, or an uncle. Not even a friend.

I'll never forget the look on his face. A teenager, just a year older than my son, stood alone on his birthday as the judge remanded him into custody until trial.

Everyone has a birth day, but not everyone has a birthday, and I had a feeling that this teen didn't have a lot of birthday celebrations in his lifetime. I wondered when was the last time he had a birthday cake, or opened a wrapped present, or was showered with love and attention when he turned four, nine, twelve. Or seventeen.

In our training class we watched a video explaining the science of an infant's brain. Unlike the body's other organs which are already developed at birth, an infant's brain is still undeveloped and therefore creates a blueprint for every new experience; in other words, the brain is waiting for experiences to shape it, and the younger the infant, the more sponge-like is the brain (which is why, within just three years, a child learns how to walk and talk). 

But this sponginess is also the same sponginess that makes infants more vulnerable to abuse or domestic violence. So while no one disputes that young children suffer long term effects from chronic exposure to violence, it's actually the infants who are the most impacted; in fact, infants growing up in unstable homes end up with mental health problems at a rate higher than children who are the actual victims or witnesses of abuse. 

Once upon a time that teenager had a birth day. Once upon a time he was a baby. What happened after that? 

As I watched the officer escort the teenager out of the courtroom, I wished for a way to rewind time, to go back 17 years to that teen's birth day. To start over and give him what he needs so that down the road he won't be alone in the world on his 17th birthday facing jail time. I wasn't being naive; he deserved to go to jail, but I couldn't help thinking that things could have turned out differently if, in the beginning, it had gone differently. 

Here's the thing, though. Our brains continue to add new neurons until the day we die. The brain has the capacity to heal. And studies have shown the best way to counteract the early effects of childhood trauma is the number of healthy adults that a child or teen can connect to--teachers, counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, clergy.

I can be that adult for someone. We all can.

As I'm typing this I am well aware that my birthday is this week. I will get phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, gifts. I will feel the love. But the shadow of that teen will be standing next to me as I blow out my birthday candles, and as the smoke drifts heavenward I will pray for God's grace to allow me to be the difference in someone's life ... 

The All-Purpose Mediterranean Topper

Sometimes, a little prepping now leads to infinite possibilities during the week. 

For example, my All-Purpose Mediterranean Topper. Let me show you what I can do with four basic ingredients (plus salt & pepper and a simple dressing) that I keep stored in the refrigerator ...

All-Purpose Mediterranean Topper

Ingredients:

diced tomatoes

diced sweet peppers

diced cucumbers

fresh parsley

Combine ingredients. Store in the refrigerator until ready to use. 

Now here's the fun part. When I dice the ingredients into smaller pieces, I like to use the topper as garnish (with chicken or fish), a bruschetta topping, or even in a cold pasta salad. If I cut the ingredients into chunkier pieces, I will use the topper as a vegetable side dish or tossed in a mixed salad. It's also great for a light lunch with a piece of Parmigiano Reggiano and a bottle of sparkling water.

Oh, and you can mix the topper with tuna for the best tuna salad ever.

See? The possibilities are endless.

For a dressing I like to use freshly squeezed lemon juice, olive oil, salt & pepper. But you can also use your favorite bottled Italian salad dressing. Just remember to go light on the dressing--think complement and not hostile takeover.

Together, these four basic ingredients taste light and fresh; sometimes, if I want a little kick, I will add a diced red onion.

Speak to Me Sunday: What to Expect from Your High School Senior when Choosing a College

This week Timothy, received two college letters inviting him to sign up for a college campus visit. Yes, he's only in the tenth grade, but ... sophomore today, senior tomorrow. We know this time flies by quickly. Admittedly, he was excited. Timothy read both letters and asked a million questions. Is it a good college? Where is it? Do they have an engineering program? Will I live in a dorm? A few years ago he watched his two older brothers go through the process (and was even dragged to several campus visits) so he's excited about it finally being his turn (whether or not I'm ready is an entirely different matter). Yes, it's an exciting time, but it's also time for the nitty gritty of finances, logistics, and yes, even practicality. One decision at a time ...

It's been a summer of college campus tours, all of which have been fun, informative, and have shown our son a future bright with opportunities. It was our way to showcase the great big world out there, and to have our son see himself as a vibrant part of it.

I realize this may sound idealistic, perhaps even naïve, but knowing what is out there is a great place to start. It’s great to have choices (they are gifts!) but we also know choices need to be whittled down because, ultimately, decisions need to be made.  

This, then, is the nitty gritty part of life in which we ponder, weigh, compare, analyze, formulate, calculate, and question. So, while we want our son to reach for the stars, we also want to teach him the practical aspects on how to navigate in order to get there. And there are so many things to take into consideration.

First and foremost, finances. Our son has a good life. He lives in a nice house, he goes to a great school, he has traveled to Europe, and he has a loving, supportive family. But part of being a good steward of God’s gifts is not taking anything for granted, and my husband and I are not going to just hand him four years wrapped up with a nice, neat bow; rather, he is very involved in the financial aspects of his college education and knows that he's expected to contribute. 

Location is another consideration. How far away is too far away, and how close is too close? We laugh about this sometime, and on bad days Joe and I think, Alaska is good. We also have to consider that fact that Georgia offers the Hope Scholarship (tuition is mostly covered if a certain grade point average is maintained), and while this is a huge incentive for choosing to stay in-state, it’s just that, an incentive, and not a done deal.

Then there is gut instinct, that visceral reaction which should never be ignored.  There have been campus visits in which, right away, we just didn’t feel it. It wasn’t something specific, just a feeling. On the flip side, we knew we were on to something when we heard our son say, “I can see myself going here.”

Oh, there is more to decide and consider. We could go on and on about student loans, meal plans, early admission … and on it goes.

On our dining room table is a huge black box with hanging files containing scholarship information, application deadlines, essay prompts, and test scores. The nitty gritty in all its glory. We look at the box, and yes, each of those files is calling for a decision to be made, but here’s the thing: we don’t need to make all the decisions at once.

Know what, then see where.

Decide where, and then work on the how.

And through it all we pray, which helps the nitty gritty not seem so … nitty gritty.

college: two sons down, one to go

Timothy, following his older brother

graduation day at Clemson University

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

Now that I've got you humming the song, let's talk parsley.

It's one of those herbs I like to have on hand, and fresh is best.

Now, I don't have a herb garden, so I can't just snip off what I need. And the only potted herb I sometimes keep is basil. But here's what I do to ensure I always have fresh parsley to add to recipes or to use as garnish ...

I buy several huge bunches of parsley, rinse, pluck off the leaves, and pulse them in the food processor until roughly chopped. Then I pack the chopped parsley in a container and keep it in the freezer where it stays fresh and maintains its vibrant green color.

Chopped, fresh parsley always on hand--simply remove the container from the freezer and, with a fork, scrape off the amount needed.

Take last night, for instance. I made cauliflower soup (a favorite in our family that, really, is more like a risotto) and before serving I added some fresh parsley.

An honest laborious Country-man, with good Bread, Salt, and a little Parsley, 

will make a contented Meal with a roasted Onion. 

~John Evelyn (1620-1706)

#BUSTED

Yesterday, in preparation to have our master bedroom and bath re-painted, I moved the contents of both rooms to our walk-in closet.

Later Joe came out of the closet holding a small wicker basket containing rolled spa towels.

"What's this?" he asked. "It was in the closet."

"It's the basket of towels we keep on the edge of the tub," I replied.

"On our tub? In our bathroom? I've never seen it before," he said.

Huh. That basket has been there since ... forever.

Today, I picked Timothy up from soccer practice. We talked, stopped to get a pizza (I have Bunco tonight so the guys are on their own), and had a good twenty minutes of bonding time in the car.

"Did you notice I got my hair colored today?" I asked when we were almost home.

"Yes!" he replied, a little too enthusiastically as he glanced in my direction.

#BUSTED

When I called him out on it he grinned.

Reminds me of the blue pillow incident, the one that threw all four of my guys into confusion ...

Speak to Me Sunday: Light Bulb Moments

In this complicated world we do what we can to create order. We organize, corral, and categorize in an effort to make sense of it all. And when things do get messy, what then?

We change a light bulb.

Last year Joe and I spent a Saturday morning volunteering with ReStart Augusta, a non-profit organization that provides bed frames, mattresses, and bedding to children, families, and veterans who don't have beds on which to sleep. Volunteer groups are divided into teams for assembling the frames, painting the frames, and then delivering the finished product. Joe and I were part of a team that delivered beds to the homes.

As the guys set up the bed frames at our first house visit, I glanced around. Every bedroom had piles of clothing in every corner because there was not a single bureau or dresser anywhere. In the family living area, the couch sagged and the window blinds were bent, or broken, or not there at all. And it was dark. The light bulb in the ceiling, which was the only light source, had gone out and something told me it had been like that for a while.

Later, as we drove away with the family waving goodbye from the doorway, I felt a little conflicted. Yes, we delivered beds, and it was a start, but all I could think was that I wanted to go back and change that light bulb.

In the weeks and months since that visit I have stood in the darkness of the broken light bulb and asked some hard questions. How does a single meal help world hunger? How do we put order and peace to poverty, ignorance, hate, disease? How do we stand in the face of overwhelming chaos and upheaval to scrape out a corner of peace? 

In the face of so much adversity it's easy to give up, to take a step back and think there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you can do that will change things. I also think it's all too easy to fall into the trap of setting up an all or nothing scenario. Of dismissing the little things. Of demanding that all social injustices--the world's socioeconomic problems, world peace, cancer--be fixed now, and then shake our fists at the heavens when it doesn't happen.

In other words, it's easy to think of the world on a grand scale and ignore the broken light bulb in front of you.

So where to start?

Right where you're standing, with one burning bush, one sick patient, and one child at a time; by offering a place to sleep, building a shelter, or advocating for a child.

Once, our son Nicholas, was waiting to get his phone fixed when an elderly black man entered the store asking for help. At first Nicholas assumed he was going to ask for money, but all the man needed was someone to jump his car battery. So Nicholas, having just received a brand new set of jumper cables this past Christmas, volunteered to help. Afterwards, the man grasped Nicholas' hand and said a prayer for him. When Nicholas told me the story, I could tell he was a little embarrassed because, in the grand scheme of things, he didn't feel like he had done anything special.

But sometimes the world falls away until there is just the person standing in front of you, and Nicholas had addressed the light bulb in that man's life.

God is so, so good. He knows our limitations, our fears, our hesitations. But he also sees our good intentions, and so he offers us pockets of grace to do his work.

In big, sweeping, grandiose ways.

But also in small ways.

After all, when you change a broken bulb a light shines in that little corner of the world.

On a Haiti mission

I couldn't change this infant's entire world, but in that moment, 

for that hour, I bathed and held her until the doctor could

see her. And I still pray for her to this day.